are you copying me?
no, seriously. i think you are
Your desires might not be as "yours" as you think.
We're basically desire copycats – we want what others want. We don’t have brains, and tend to act on the things we see and hear.
Yes. Even as smart people, as high achievers, as self-aware girlies, we are wired to copy other people more often than think for ourselves.
Let's break this down into something actually useful for your journey.
Exciting Financial Hot Girl update!
I’ve been relatively quiet on socials so far this year as I’ve been hard at work getting my YouTube channel to run as smoothly as possible.
I had a lightbulb moment while scripting and realised half of my video ideas fit perfectly into my vision for Financial Hot Girl, so on a whim I’ve decided to release this content as video podcasts.
They will still go up on my YouTube channel but will be a separate style of video: slower, less edited and with one goal… to get you SMART and WEALTHY as I learn how to do the same.
TLDR; nothing is changing, some of my video ideas will just be released as longer podcast episodes!
Which style of podcast episode are you most likely to watch all the way through?
Deep dives on one topic (E.g., “The psychology of wealth & why most people stay broke”)
Step-by-step how-to guides (E.g., “How to actually increase your income”)
Hot takes & rants (E.g., “Why making more money won’t fix your financial problems”)
Reacting to real money mistakes & wins (E.g., “I asked my audience their biggest money regrets…”)
“We desire what others desire because we imitate their desires.”
René Girard
Mimetic desire is essentially the theory humans copy what other people want. It works in two parts:
The Desire Part:
We don't naturally know what to want
We look at others to figure out what's worth wanting
This creates a triangle: you, the person you're copying, and the thing you both want
The Competition Part:
When we want the same things as people close to us, it can create rivalry
This can lead to tension and conflict in groups
Sometimes the group picks someone to blame (a scapegoat) to release this tension (I have a theory that businesses take advantage of mimetic desire here… but that’s for later)
If you've ever wanted something mainly because you saw someone else having or wanting it (like a trendy product or lifestyle), that's mimetic desire in action.
There are two types of people influencing your desires:
External Models (the Oprahs and Steve Jobs of the world) - Usually positive inspiration, low competition
Internal Models (your close circle) - Can trigger feelings of comparison and FOMO
How to avoid this
Start changing your thought process from, "I should want this" to "Do I actually want this?"
Here's the thing – as high achievers, we're EXPERTS at absorbing others' definitions of success.
That six-figure business! That perfect morning routine! That aesthetic Instagram feed!!!
But this week I want you to pause and ask: "If everyone else stopped wanting this, would I still want it?"
When I really asked myself this question, I realised:
I want to be an entrepreneur, but I don’t want to start and sell a business
90% of my wardrobe and personal items were purchased because I wanted other people to see me desiring the same things as them
I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SLOW MORNINGS (I love just getting straight to creative stuff and having a slower afternoon)
Do a "Desire Audit"
Get in a comfy position
List your top 3 current goals
For each one, close your eyes and imagine everyone else STOPPED caring about that goal
Notice how your body feels – tension? Relief?
Let that physical response guide you
Remember Girard's key point: We can't completely escape this copying behaviour - it's part of being human. The best we can do is be aware of it and think carefully about whose desires we're imitating.
Understanding mimetic desire isn't about judging ourselves for being influenced – it's about being conscious of those influences so we can make clearer choices.
P.S. If you're building a personal brand and feeling stuck between what others are doing and what feels authentic to you, grab my free chapter on building a strategic niche for your brand.
Soundbites you missed out on 🎧
59. Soft life meets business: the cosy entrepreneur guide
Double Life · Episode
We’re talking all about being a ‘cosy entrepreneur’ this week on the podcast and how that works in the world of business.
Me and Farah are really trying to lean into our feminine energy, having spent our entire lives in our masculine (eldest daughters with family trauma - you know the drill), so there’s some gems in here about how to actually embrace a soft life without sacrificing productivity and money.
Have a great week!
Devamsha xo
💬 This week’s comment prompts:
What's one goal you're currently chasing that you suspect might be more about others than yourself?
Wrong answers only: What's the most ridiculous thing you've wanted just because someone else had it? (Mine was a jacket I wore exactly once because ironically, I didn’t feel myself in it)
What's something you genuinely love that nobody else seems to care about?
P.S. Whenever you’re ready, here are some ways I could (hopefully) help you:
Become a creator the clever way:
Grab my free Strategic Niche framework (The exact method I used to find my sweet spot)
Get 15% off the Part-Time Creator Guide (Because you don't have to quit your job to build something amazing)
Book a 1:1 coaching call, we'll audit and map out your unique path to standing out online.