exactly HOW I'm going to be more difficult
what to do when you become tired of being a carpet.
You need to be more difficult. So let’s talk about exactly how.
Mentioned in part 1, there are two traits to being a difficult woman:
#1 Extreme certainty: she knows what she wants. Specifically, financially, and behaviourally. She’s done the thinking and she’s not outsourcing her preferences to a group chat, Google or ChatGPT.
#2 Extreme confidence: she goes for it without apologising. She asks, holds the price, says no without justification, and she leaves the room when the room isn’t for her.
These two traits aren't things you either have or you don't and are very, very buildable — only by doing. Every exercise in this issue is training one or both of them directly.
The yes audit sharpens #1: you cannot know what you want until you can see clearly where you've been wanting something else.
The scripts and the rate-holding build #2: confidence in execution comes from repetition, not from feeling ready first. The over-achieving perfectionists will understand me here.
To make the most out of this implementation pack:
Run through these once and you'll hopefully start to notice the edges of your own preferences more clearly.
Run through them consistently and the gap between what you want and what you actually do starts to close.
A realistic note on what to expect
When you start being more difficult, some people will not respond well. And the biggest mistake you can make when people start responding negatively is taking it as a sign to stop, when in fact, it’s a sign that the muscle is working.
A few things I am cementing in as expectations ahead of trying to be more difficult:
Some no’s will be received badly. Someone might go quiet, or follow up with a guilt trip, or just not invite you next time
Some rate-holds will lose you the deal. Clients will ghost. Brands will go with someone cheaper
Some people in your life will start describing you differently. This might get back to you. It’ll sting
The research is unfortunately clear on this one: women who negotiate are often punished for it regardless of how they ask, and are more likely to be perceived as greedy, demanding, or not very nice for asking the same thing a man asks for. Personally, I’ll try not to care and importantly, I will not let it stop me from keeping on going
I’m telling you this as a reminder not to give up or think that the protocol failed. If the first response was negative and you read that as evidence that difficult-woman traits are just not for you, that’s a limiting belief popping up. Everything is hard at first. And when you’re being difficult, you’re actively pushing away things that are not for you. After a while, it’ll feel less like a mistake and you’ll be so, so grateful you did it.
For every brand deal you lose by holding your rate, you’ll close two at the right number because you’ve stopped flinching. For every plan you say no to that creates a sulk, you free up the time and money to invest in the relationships that don’t punish you for having preferences.
So when you use what’s below and the response is mixed, don’t take it as a sign to stop. Take it as a sign you’ve correctly identified who in your life was relying on the easy version of yourself. That information is this whole thing actually working.
𝜗ৎ In this issue:
The 7-day yes audit that shows you exactly where your ‘easy yes’ is leaking money
The 3 sentence no I use for everything from social plans to scope creep
Rate-holding scripts for 5 contexts, including the rule of what I do after I state my number
The decision tree I run before any yes worth more than £50 or 2 hours
