1 sentence is running your entire financial life

the words you repeat to yourself have been deciding your finances for years | fhg #88

One of the most drastic yet invisible changes I made in my 20s, and actively make every single day, is speaking to myself better. Because I learned that words are spells. But what even are spells?

A form of words used as magical charm. Which means every thought you repeat to yourself is a charm you’re casting on what will eventually be your confidence, your ambition, and ultimately your money.

So, when I was telling myself things like:

“I’m so disorganised.” “I’m just not an exercise person.” “I’m just not someone who’s good with money.”

I was quite literally charming myself into believing them. Said enough times, words, or spells, stop being just opinions and become your actual identity. And once something is your identity, you don’t question it. You just organise your whole financial-and-otherwise life around it. It shapes what you believe you’re capable of, and influences every single decision you make.

So today, let’s dispel (geddit) spells, where they came from, and what to do instead.

𝜗ৎ In this issue:

• the spell you’ve been casting on yourself without realising

• where the spells actually came from (it’s not your fault)

• the 5 minute exercise that changes everything

The spell you’ve been casting on yourself without realising

You might already know your financial season. You might know you’re in an Earn season, that your income is the constraint, and that negotiating your salary or pushing for more is exactly the move you should be making right now. Yet, somehow, you’re not doing it.

Because somewhere underneath the mountain of knowledge of what you need to do, there’s a lingering belief: “I’m not really the kind of person who pushes back, who asks for more, or who negotiates.”

That belief (far more than any missing information or skill) is what tends to actually be in the way. It’s why the salary conversation didn’t happen, and two years later, you’re wondering why you’re on the same pay.

And it shows up differently for everyone. Maybe yours is I’ve always been a bit of a pushover at work. Maybe it’s I wouldn’t even know how to start that conversation with my manager. Maybe it’s I don’t want to seem difficult (which by the way, is a spell dressed up as professionalism).

It happens physically and mentally, too

And it’s not just finance where this happens. So many people have spent years convinced that being physically active just isn’t them, that being the kind of person who runs, or walks every day, or genuinely enjoys moving their body, is a personality type they weren’t born with. I thought this too, being someone who wasn’t sporty as a kid.

Even mentally, some people have the belief that therapy isn’t really for them. Or that they’re not someone who journals, or that needing quiet time is somehow indulgent. These aren’t personality traits people were born with or without. They’re just identities (formerly, word spells) that got built up over time, usually without anyone consciously choosing them.

With money, it works the same way. You act in ways that confirm the belief. You accidentally, but on purpose sidestep the financial decisions that would contradict it: the negotiation, the uncomfortable conversation, the bold move your season is actually calling for. And you stay exactly where you are, because somewhere, you’ve already decided that you won’t do what you need to do.

Where spells actually came from (and why they were never really yours)

The good news about these beliefs is that you probably just absorbed them when you were younger, without realising it (and that absorption is totally undoable).

When I was growing up I didn’t see people who looked like me or came from where I came from negotiating, pushing back, or taking up that kind of space. So without really thinking about it, I concluded that world probably wasn’t for me. It was just as the most obvious interpretation of the evidence available to me at the time.

So whether the women around you growing up never asked for more, or accepted what they were given, or from what went unsaid in your household, or from years of watching financial confidence look like a very specific type of person, and concluding, without ever thinking about it consciously, that you probably weren’t them…

Until you question it, your behaviour will keep confirming these thoughts — it’s like a vicious cycle. Because that’s what identities do, they run in the background, shaping every decision, without you ever having to consciously choose them. It’s actually really efficient if you think about it.

The 5 minute exercise that changes everything

Financially glowing up = removing spells from your mind. And the financial glow-up you’re looking for starts with a decision. Just like mine did.

You need to know which spell you’re actually running, so here’s what I want you to do right now.

Step 1: Name the thing you keep avoiding.

Pick one financial move you know you needed to make in Q1 but didn’t. Asking for a pay rise. Starting to invest. Having the money conversation with your partner. Whatever yours is, write it down.

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Step 2: Ask yourself why.

Set a timer for 3 minutes and finish this sentence honestly:

“I haven’t done it because deep down I think I’m someone who...”

That’s the spell. That’s the belief running in the background, shaping every decision without you consciously choosing it.

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Step 3: Decide it’s not true.

You just decide — one slightly defiant moment — that the story isn’t accurate, and that you don’t have to keep telling it to yourself. Remember, you’re on a floating rock with no rulebook.

Then just do the one thing that you’ve been avoiding. You send the email. You open the account. You make the move your season is actually calling for.

And a really important reminder is that you don’t need to earn this decision first. You just decide you are, and then you act from that identity before it fully feels true. I.e., sloppy action.

Eventually you’ll realise that your spells changed. They didn’t break or stop working, because words are always spells.

You just changed those words.

Until next week,

— Dev xo